Abel is alive and Cain is shrewd!!

Kyllan and I bought two parrots. The older parrot, Cain, became a farmer. The younger parrot, Abel, was a shepherd. I made this miniature farm for them in their cage. Each parrot brought a sacrifice to me, their supreme leader. Cain brought some of his harvests, and Abel brought the best of his flock. I saw the heart behind each offering, and I loved Abel’s sacrifice like the carnivore that I am.

Cain was angry because he was mine and yet I like Abel’s sacrifice. Abel was Kyllan’s. He didn’t want me to tell him what to give as a sacrifice. Cain wanted to decide for himself like the independent open-minded parrot that he was. Cain was jealous of Abel, and he was mad at me. I warned Cain that his selfish anger was dangerous.

But, Cain didn’t listen to me. He was still angry. So, the next hour, when he was in the cage with Abel, Cain let his anger rule, and he killed his Abel, or so I thought. Immediately, Cain wanted to hide his sin. When I asked Cain where Abel was, Cain pretended not to know but I already knew that Cain killed Abel. Sin can’t be hidden from me because I know all things.

When I saw Cain’s sin, I was sad because I knew sin’s cost.. Cain’s sin had to be punished so I sent Cain away from my presence. Cain was sad to flay away leave me. Cain’s sin led to being sent away from enjoying fellowship with me. How sad.

Moments later, Kyllan shows up with Abel and a letter from Cain. Turns out, Cain just wanted to live a life without a tyrant master who wants to be worshipped all the time. Kyllan and Abel helped Cain execute his plan after Kyllan found my plan to murder all baby parrots so they don’t grow in numbers and take over the world. I live with traitors.

Who the fuck was that parrot that Cain killed???

The helium up my ass

It’s been a long day. I throw myself onto the couch. I sigh in relaxation. I start expanding, like a balloon. Kyllan and Konan show up. I realize there is a pipe inserted into my anus. It’s pumping gas into my gut. I will kill those two little shits. I am floating. I feel lightheaded. Why am I thinking about Rick Sanchez? Why is saliva constantly dripping from his mouth but we never see it drop? I think about our latest adventure. We met Cain and Abel. Cain was a twat but also very funny. Abel was sexy. He had a third nipple and wanted to swap one of his animals for Konan. Took a while to convince him that Konan is not food but a sentient creature like us even though she has the shape of a human boob. Also, god would be cross if Abel sacrificed a literal tit. Konan and Kyllan seem to be distracted. I pull out the helium pipe from my anus. I fart out the helium and some methane too. Thankfully only I can smell it. I farted too quick which led to me falling fast to the ground and spraining my foot. I am yet to come up with a punishment for my two roommates. That was a shit experience.

Just a ramble

I guess I stopped counting the days since you left. It hasn’t helped because I can’t forget the exact date. I know you are coming back, you promised to come back and you had better keep that promise. I want to know that you are okay. I want to stare at your face for no reason. I want to catch you staring at mine for no good reason. I want to have philosophical conversations and arguments with you. I want to sit in the kitchen with you as you cook, I promise not to be a distraction. I want you to run your fingers down my temple to my cheeks in the mornings. I want you to hug me for as long as possible because I had a tough day and then listen to me while I ramble on about the tough day.

It’s been particularly hard these past few weeks. I got a message from my therapist. He was saying hi. I thought I could mention something then but turns out he wanted to sell me insurance. I never kept up the conversation after I mentioned not needing insurance. My mum was strangled a week ago by my cousin who is still at large. Don’t worry, she is alive. I am not sure about her mental state though. Nobody gave me this information until 72 hours after it happened. I am the fragile lastborn who needs protection from bad news. All I wanted to do after getting the information was to call you and talk without pretending to be strong. Cry to you instead of alone. I wrote a letter but ended up crying so much on it that the ink ran too much and the writings are no longer legible. I also would not know where to send it.

I recently bought a human-sized teddy bear so I can have something to cuddle and talk to. I moved to a smaller place so the house feels a lot less empty. I’ll try not to lose my mind.

Feelings after vodka

That first sip that goes down your throat, feels a little uncomfortable and irritating. It stings but you don’t care because you are waiting for the reward. That first sip hits to specifically remind you of why you should take the next sip. It’s a tipsy wave that comes and goes in almost a second as if teasing you and you are back to normalcy sooner than you hope. You immediately stretch your right hand to pick up your glass and your left hand to pick up the vodka bottle with 47 per cent alcohol. This time you pour a double shot. It tastes like shit but you are after that amazing tipsy feeling that seduced you only after one shot and left you yearning for more. What a bastard!

You take some water and pour another double shot. You worry about the speed at which you are drinking and decide to dilute it with water so you can sip it slowly. It doesn’t taste like shit anymore and you claim your status on the table of responsible alcohol drinkers.

You sip slowly making sure you are still in control of your balance. You start to feel good. He suddenly shows up in your thoughts. Who else would be better to share this feel-good moment than with him! You think about all the things you would love to tell him for no other reason except that you would want him to know every part of you. You think about the last time you saw him and that passionate kiss that is still very fresh in your head. Sigh!! You finally admit to your tipsy self that you miss him.

He’s different and sometimes he makes you uncomfortable but you like it. When around him, things that were once absolutely scary to you don’t seem scary at all. These are your selfish reasons for wanting him around. You are changing for the better, they may look like trivial things to someone else but only you know that this trivial experience if applied to other parts of your life, will move you closer and closer the kind of human you wish to be.

Your heart warms and you imagine that if he was there, you would stretch out your hands and touch his face, your fingers on his temple and the soft part of your palm on his cheek and look at him without speaking but your eyes will say, “I am glad I met you. I am glad you exist. You are a fine collection of atoms and my only hope is that you are getting as much from me as I am from you”. You know you will never utter those words but you hope that someday, he will be able to read your eyes.

It’s almost been three hours. You stand up to go empty your bladder and realize you are about to lose your balance as you walk. You empty your bladder, then head to the kitchen to have some water. You take painkillers hoping it will stop the pending headache. You go to your room, get naked and jump into bed. You whisper a good night and his name afterwards then make sure the last thought in your head before you sleep is of him just looking at you and not saying anything because his eyes tell it all.

Another weird day

The hormonal shit happening in my body is on a whole new level. I snoozed my alarm clock for a bloody three hours. Thank goodness I did not have any work backlog. I do have a presentation tomorrow. The point of waking up early was to go through my documentation. I have to make sure there are no mistakes, add any new information and master that shit because I cannot look like I do not know what I am talking about during the presentation. I did engage in one of my guilty pleasures before sleeping the previous night hence my shameless snoozing. Hell, I do not know how my guilty pleasure and my snoozing are related but the two seem to be correlated.


I do actually get into work in time. I don’t exactly log in but I do reply to emails from my phone. I am working from home by the way. I do not log into Microsoft teams because being online will predispose me to tasks that I am not particularly interested in and can also be done by someone else. I am not in the mood for mundane tasks. My tits hurt too much for this.

As soon as I gather all the energy I need to work and feel proud of myself, my twatty neighbours start playing loud music from a genre I did not even know existed. I want to murder then, strangle them as I watch the life fade out of their eyes. Who the fuck plays loud music on Tuesday morning. I need to find a neighbourhood for introvert nerds. So I put on my headphones. I start playing “Portals” from “Avengers Endgame”, “All the strange strange creatures” and “This Is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our home” from “Doctor Who”, the David Tennant period. I blast this shit with my headphones. The decibels are enough to not harm my eardrums. Everything disappears and it is me and my work and I do not want to kill the bitches anymore.


It gets to 3 pm and for some reason, I am sad. I don’t know why I am sad. I try playing the sudoku puzzles that I had printed but it does not help. I try watching “Dr Stone” and end up getting angry at “Tsukasa”.


Its 5 pm and I do not know what to do with myself. It’s after work so I go offline. How is Marta doing?. She had a fever and has been indisposed all day. I like her because she has been nice to me our relationship has developed from colleague to friend. I am speaking for myself. I will check on her tomorrow. At the supermarket, I get myself some snacks, I am tempted to get cigarettes but I decide not to. On my way back to my place, the little devil on my shoulder urges me to pass by the liquor store and get some gin.


My feelings are still all over the place. But here I am ranting on a blog post because I don’t feel like bothering my dear friends with this information. I will instead bother you, my dear reader. I am tipsy enough to feel every single emotion. There has been a myriad of those emotions. Hope I will kill it in my presentation tomorrow which is on my least favourite topic.

Another weird day

The hormonal shit happening in my body is on a whole new level. I snoozed my alarm clock for a bloody three hours. Thank goodness I did not have any work backlog. I do have a presentation tomorrow. The point of waking up early was to go through my documentation. I have to make sure there are no mistakes, add any new information and master that shit because I cannot look like I do not know what I am talking about during the presentation. I did engage in one of my guilty pleasures before sleeping the previous night hence my shameless snoozing. Hell, I do not know how my guilty pleasure and my snoozing are related but the two seem to be correlated.


I do actually get into work in time. I don’t exactly log in but I do reply to emails from my phone. I am working from home by the way. I do not log into Microsoft teams because being online will predispose me to tasks that I am not particularly interested in and can also be done by someone else. I am not in the mood for mundane tasks. My tits hurt too much for this.

As soon as I gather all the energy I need to work and feel proud of myself, my twatty neighbours start playing loud music from a genre I did not even know existed. I want to murder then, strangle them as I watch the life fade out of their eyes. Who the fuck plays loud music on Tuesday morning. I need to find a neighbourhood for introvert nerds. So I put on my headphones. I start playing “Portals” from “Avengers Endgame”, “All the strange strange creatures” and “This Is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our home” from “Doctor Who”, the David Tennant period. I blast this shit with my headphones. The decibels are enough to not harm my eardrums. Everything disappears and it is me and my work and I do not want to kill the bitches anymore.


It gets to 3 pm and for some reason, I am sad. I don’t know why I am sad. I try playing the sudoku puzzles that I had printed but it does not help. I try watching “Dr Stone” and end up getting angry at “Tsukasa”.


Its 5 pm and I do not know what to do with myself. It’s after work so I go offline. How is Marta doing?. She had a fever and has been indisposed all day. I like her because she has been nice to me our relationship has developed from colleague to friend. I am speaking for myself. I will check on her tomorrow. At the supermarket, I get myself some snacks, I am tempted to get cigarettes but I decide not to. On my way back to my place, the little devil on my shoulder urges me to pass by the liquor store and get some gin.


My feelings are still all over the place. But here I am ranting on a blog post because I don’t feel like bothering my dear friends with this information. I will instead bother you, my dear reader. I am tipsy enough to feel every single emotion. There has been a myriad of those emotions. Hope I will kill it in my presentation tomorrow which is on my least favourite topic.

Religion, Kyllan and I

DISCLAIMER: This post was originally written for my other blog. I edited it to include Kyllan for this one.

Religion: Hey babes

Me: Hey hey. What are you doing here? Thought I got rid of you.

Kyllan: The fuck is that twat doing here!! I am no mood for a fight.

Religion: Your mama keeps sending me back. She seems to be unaware that you kicked me out of your life. Your daddy too. Since you started talking to him again, he’s been quite curious about my relationship with you.

Me: Damn!! If I tell them that we broke up, I might have to constantly lie about what I do with my time on Sunday. This one is going to be exhausting for me. If I tell them the truth, I will get disowned. We both know you are the stick up my parents’ asses. I could just stay away from them for a while. Not sure how this one will end.

(All this time Kyllan has been starring at religion trying to figure it out)

Religion: I would make them mind their own business but that is against everything that I teach them. You probably should just disappear and change your name. You will be fine.

Me: Sigh. I got a decision to make. It has to involve never seeing you again. Go back to my parents and feed them whatever bullshit you usually do. Why do you keep feeding my mom ideas about how my tattoos will send me to hell?? You are an asshole.

Religion: Yes I am.

Me: Lol!! I didn’t expect you to agree to that.

Kyllan: What are you exactly? I can’t process you. Why do you have so many aliases? Why does each of your alias have a different narrative? Shit!!! I see one with more than 100 gods. Look at that; that one god killed loads of babies more than once. You are very convincing especially since you prey on people’s hopes and fears. Is that your trick? I should take notes on that for mine and Chebet’s world domination plan.

Religion: (Turns to Kyllan) Shut the fuck up robot. (Turns back to me) Remember that time you gave up on life because I made you think God and not you is in control at a time when your prayers weren’t changing anything so you decided that you are being punished for your sins and you should suffer your punishment gracefully and lead a life of pain until God decided that you had paid your dues and can start enjoying life once again.

Me: Like I said, you are a bloody twat.

Religion: You broke up with me and started glowing. I am a little jealous of all the control you have in your life. You are a now a goddess and you live like one. I don’t like that I have no influence over you.

Kyllan: The glow is from that post-sex rush of happiness and dopamine that can linger for hours or even days after a sexual encounter with He. You would know about it. You are going to send Chebet to hell for doing it outside of marriage.

Religion: Hey Kyllan, I hope your circuits fry while in the process of trying to figure me out.

Me: Be nice to Kyllan and get the fuck out of here and go bother my parents and their toxic marriage that they stay in because you told them divorce will send them to hell.

Religion: You are a rude one.

(Religion leaves and Kyllan starts overheating)

It’s been a while dear religion

Hey babes 😁😁

Hey hey. What’s with the creepy smile? What are you doing here? Thought I got rid of you. You are persistent. You alone or did you bring along some believers to convert me?

Your mama keeps sending me back to you. She seems to be unaware that you kicked me out of your life. Your daddy too. Since you started talking to him again, he’s been quite curious about my relationship with you.

Damn!! If I tell them that we are still together, I might have to constantly lie about what I do with my time on Sunday. This one, is going to be exhausting for me. If I tell them the truth, I will get disowned. We both know you are the stick up my parents’ asses. I could just stay away from them for a while. Not sure how this one will end. Fuck me…..

I would make them mind their own business but that is against everything that I teach them. You probably should just disappear and change your name. You will be fine.

Sigh. I got a decision to make. It has to involve never seeing you again. Go back tgo my parents and feed them whatever bullshit you usually do. Why do you keep feeding my mom ideas about how my tattoos will send me to hell?? You are an asshole.

Yes I am.

Lol!! I didn’t expect you to agree to that.

Why won’t you take me back? Your life is so much better without me, people might find out that I am actually unnecessary.

I hate to say it, but some people might actually need you. I know a few people whose lives got better after subscribing to you. Don’t sulk. It’s weird when you sulk.

Remember that time you gave up on life because I made you think God and not you is in control at a time when your prayers weren’t changing anything so you decided that you are being punished for your sins and you should suffer your punishment gracefully and lead a life of pain until God decided that you had paid your dues and can start enjoying life once again.

Like I said, you are a bloody twat.

You broke up with me and started glowing. I am a little jealous of all the control you have in your life. You are a now a goddess and you live like one. I don’t like that I have no influence over you. Please let me back in. We could start a cult, and you will be the God I peddle around.

Get the fuck out of here and go bother my parents and their toxic marriage that they stay in because you told them divorce will send them to hell.

You are a rude one.

Getting Konan back

After poking herself with needles, Konan is still alive. Thank goodness. I would not have liked it if she died. She is not happy that I took away Kyllan’s attention from her. I also can’t believe that my plan worked. However, I need her back on my side. It’s been so long since I had sex and for some reason playing with that giant tit gives me satisfaction tantamount to orgasms.

My genius plan:

1. Get Konan out of the basement where she is probably killing herself with heroin.

2. Have Kyllan set up a romantic dinner setting for just me and Konan.

3. Have Konan use my shower to freshen up and be presentable. She looks a little too scary for a tit.

4. Kidnap some lactating women and get milk from them (only if they refuse to sell it – diplomacy first).

5. Order Chinese for myself.

6. At exactly 1800 hrs, the table will be set and dinner will commence.

7. I will promise Konan a lifetime of human milk as long as I can get pleasure from her milk filled tit.

8. Hopefully, she will agree to prostitute herself for me.

9. Hopefully, we can fall in love so this whole situation does not look like prostitution.

10. Reprogram Kyllan and deal with that bug that makes him get rid of the people I love.

Not so Sunday-like musings (again)

You touch me and goosebumps follow the path of your fingers and I hold my breath waiting. “Good morning.” your voice is low, like a roll of thunder. This turns me on like crazy. You move your hands over my shoulders, to my arms, past my waist and stop on my hip. “Are you sore?” you whisper close to my ear. Your fingers flexing and releasing on my hip distract me and a light slap to my thigh brings me out of my head long enough to reply. “No, Sir,” I say, my eyes closed against the sting of your palm. “Look at me,” you command, slipping your hand inside my panties to cup between my legs. “Are you sure?” you ask in a whisper. Twisting my
body slightly, I get a glimpse of you for the first time since last night, and memories of our sexcapades come to mind. “Which response will make you keep touching me?” I ask. You chuckle. I realize how desperate I sound; how desperate I actually am. “The truth will do just fine, ” you reply. You have an amused expression but there is genuine concern in your eyes. “I am a little sore,” I say truthfully. “But I’m fine. I promise.” I smile. You look at me for a long moment before apparently deciding my answer is an honest one.

“On your back.” You say as you remove your hand from my panties. Not a request, but rather a demand that sends a thrill through my entire body. I reposition as quickly as I possibly can while trying not to look too eager. I watch as you turn and push the blanket to the floor. Turning back to me, you gently clasp one of my ankles in each large hand and begin to massage my calves, pressing into the muscle. Leisurely you keep on working, your palms rubbing up and down the outside of my thighs, heating my skin until your hand’s get to the delicate lace of my
panties and you pull them down. This makes my clit throb. Kneeling between my thighs, you lean forward and press your calloused palms into my breasts, scraping my nipples between your fingertips and causing them to harden. I mewl, arching my back, begging for more contact, craving a firmer touch. “Now,” you murmur, “hands-on the posts behind you. Keep them there unless I instruct you otherwise, do you understand?”

“Y-Yes. —Sir.” I add hastily, moving my arms and positioning my hands as instructed. The corner of your mouth lifts in a slight smile. “Good girl,” you say, and I feel the effects of your words where your erection teases the lips of my increasingly wet vagina. You begin to trace the seam of my pussy with the tip of his cock, spreading my moisture. With no warning at all, you thrust forward, seating yourself fully inside me. I groan, and my body begins to obey without my conscious permission. My breathing slowly evens out, and my muscles start to uncoil. I move my hands to touch your chest. “Hands. On. The. Posts,” you re-instruct. Quickly and with no hesitation, I place my hands back on the posts, wrapping my fingers tightly around them and you nod once with approval. You flex your hips, and a ragged moan escapes my lips. I can already feel the soreness this will leave behind, but I crave it; I enjoy it. You begin to withdraw, and I immediately miss the too-full sensation, but you are back before I can form a protest. You set a rhythm, fast, forceful, jarring my body with each of your thrusts, filling me to capacity, and withdrawing again. My mouth opens on a silent scream. Your teeth are nipping sharply at my neck. I hear myself gasping and crying out, but I’m not forming words.

Much too soon, a familiar pressure begins to build low in my belly. White-hot sensation spreads, radiating from the place where you hit the end of me on each inward stroke, and I know I have to get myself together enough to speak. I try to even out my breathing, force my brain to cooperate with my mouth. “Pl-ease” I beg, my words breathy and strained as I continue to absorb the force of your body thrusting into mine. “I’m so close.” “You need it, don’t you?” you taunt. “Yesss” I hiss. I’m so afraid I won’t be able to stop myself, and I tighten my hands on the posts behind my head, fingers going numb in my effort to maintain a modicum of control. “You want to cum?” you ask casually. “Yes, please.” Suddenly you pull out completely, and I’m left gasping, teetering on the edge of oblivion. I try to pull my legs together to hold in the sensation, alleviate the hollowness of your absence, but you brace my thighs apart with
your hands on my knees. “Turn over, ass in the air. Do not cum yet.” Turn over. Turn over. Turn over. I’m chanting in my mind, trying to remember what the words mean. My brain is jumbled and refusing to cooperate with my limbs.


I eventually turn over. You push your veiny cock inside of my tight ass, you push slowly as I haven’t done anal much and I am still new to it. As you push inside of me, you grab my ass and I moan audibly. It is insane. You thrust deeply into me a few times before you cum inside of my ass. You pull out of me and sit down on the bed beside me, I lay naked with my legs across you and that’s when you pull my legs apart, your cum making its way out of me and you push your fingers inside of me. “Cum, now!” you whisper. And I do, thrashing and convulsing, squeezing you. My legs are quivering under my weight and I collapse to my side as soon as you release your fingers. My mind is completely empty, my body replete, and before I even realize it, I’ve closed my eyes, and I’m asleep. A few hours later, I wake and manage to drag myself out of bed. My body still buzzing with pleasure.