I never should have worn those hot red sexy six-inch heels today. You should have seen me; I made a guy walk into a pole. He was staring at my lovely legs too much. My face was a little envious. It recently developed a mind of its own and whenever I do something it does not like, a zit rears its face. My face does like to be stared at all the time. What can I say; I have a very jealous face and all the jealousy spread to my tits. My second favorite twins are totally hurt and I have no idea what to do to make them feel better. I could have my girlfriend poke and milk them a little, my tits love that kind of shit.

Those heels are so hot and comfortable. They never hurt my feet, unlike all my other heels. Unfortunately, they chose to hurt my cute pair of buttocks. I can barely sit down. My butt feels like a rock. Those shoes have robbed me of my beautiful soft sitting apparatus. All I need is a warm bath and wine.

One hour later… (in Spongebob’s voice)….

The hot bath really has not helped. I can’t sit down. I can neither lie down on my stomach
because it makes my boobs will pop, I just had them refilled with milk and the milkman advised not to sleep on them or they will look like a version of deflated balloons. If they deflate, I would have only one option …. getting pregnant just so that my mammary glands can naturally produce milk (instead of being refilled) and make my boobies a bit rounder. I will just keep popping babies so that my boobies never run out of milk. I will probably take fertility pills so that I can have twins and triplets. The more the babies, the more the milk, the rounder the boobies and I will be happy…and fat too with a vagina the size of a river canal but I don’t care, I will have killing boobs.

My girlfriend just hurt her hand trying to spank my right buttock, when I turned the other cheek, she double hurt herself. I feel terrible; I was only trying to be the submissive girlfriend. I now have to get her medical attention. She is hurt really bad. Her palm is all red. She must have broken a bone or two. I now feel like a passive girlfriend batterer. I really need to find a way to soften this hard butt.

Moral of the story:
Hard butts are quite dangerous. They can be useful when tricking your enemy to spank you and BAM!!! BROKEN FINGERS.

Enemy – 0
Hard Butt – 1