Tag: humans

It’s Census Day

Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!

“Kyllan, would you take care of the fainted human. Tit, come with me, we need to talk.” I let out a big sigh. It’s always weird talking to Tit. Until I finish working on my universal translator, I will have to keep touching Tit’s middle nipple so we can communicate telepathically. I don’t like the texture of that nipple.

The census guys have been going round each and every house to count the humans existing in the country. I totally forgot this so I did not clear my house of anything strange or illegal. I have a ton of illegal technology and an alien that looks like human boob in my house. Both of these could get me killed by the state.

When the lovely citizen knocked on my door, Tit went ahead and opened the door with the new appendages I made her. The lovely citizen that came to count me fainted on the spot. While Kyllan was administering first aid, I was deep in Tit’s consciousness having a conversation about my planet and humans.

When we were sure the citizen would be fine, we teleported him to his apartment just after messing around with his thoughts. We didn’t erase Tit from his memory. We only erased the location of my house and Kyllan. We added a few other Tits in his memory and created a vivid scenario where the tits were trying to suffocate him to death. He will never be able to look at a naked woman. Muhahaha.

STUPIDITY

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Disclaimer before you begin.

This is basically a ranting post because my day has been fucked up by one of the most stupid girls I know. I hope she dies of stupidity.

Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in
circulation. I have met too many. I am especially livid today because of one of them and I hope she dies of stupidity. I am not sorry at all about saying this, perhaps I will be tomorrow but not now. I cannot begin to fathom how one single person can be so stupid. This is why I mostly just talk to Kyllan.

Most of these stupid people look very decent that you will never notice the excrement seething inside of their heads until they open their fucking blabbermouths. You wonder how can one person spew so much garbage and where does this garbage come from? They are too thick that nothing, not even garbage can penetrate their skulls. This leaves me thinking that all the garbage coming out of their mouths in internally generated. Their brains must look like a sewer, no, this is definitely worse than a sewer.

THE BASIC LAWS OF HUMAN STUPIDITY.

  1. The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other
    characteristic of that person. Do not mistake the outward good looks. IT IS A TRAP!! IT IS A TRAP!! IT IS A TRAP!! FUCKING RUN FOR YOUR LIFE SMART HUMAN.
  2. A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of
    persons while himself/herself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. Well, I got plenty of examples for this one but some people might feel targeted so I will refrain from telling any.
  3. Nonstupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals.
    In particular nonstupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and
    under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns
    out to be a costly mistake. It’s okay to not have friends. If everyone around you is stupid, fucking do your shit by yourself. These people are a virus with no cure. Trust me, you do not want to be infected.
  4. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person. This should be self-explanatory unless you are stupid too. I have met smarter bandits.
  5. I firmly believe that stupidity is an indiscriminate privilege of all human groups and is uniformly distributed according to a constant proportion which makes me really sad.

Is there a way we can sterilize all these people so they do not have babies, or take away their babies and raise them in a safe environment or we could remove labels on absolutely everything and let natural selection deal with this.

Why God created humans…

    1. He was bored.
    2. He was lonely.
    3. For his own pleasure.
    4. He was working on an art project and accidentally created humans.
    5. He created a virtual world that became sentient. He is just a super cool programmer.
    6. He wanted to make the angels jealous because they were starting the misbehave and feel entitled.
    7. He made a bet with his sister on who could create the better universe. He had made landscape only and his sister had people and animals. He then stole the people and animals from his sister’s universe and presented it to his parent. His parent was so impressed that he/she breathed life into the universe, added to his landscape and voila, we came into being.
    8. He created one toy, fell in love with it and decided to give it friends.
    9. He needed a way to exercise his savagery.
    10. He was expressing himself artistically so that he could prove himself to his overbearing parent and overachieving siblings. He finally got the approval he wanted from his parent as he turned his creation into his worshipers which were the ultimate goal.
    11. Jesus had become an obstinate kid and so God had to create people and a whole narrative spanning millennia that would eventually lead to Jesus’ punishment. While Jesus was enjoying thinking he had been forgiven, he was sent to earth and brutally killed then resurrected. He has learned his lesson and has behaved since then.
    12. Perhaps I should stop speculating and ask the doctor, she would definitely have an answer for me, but first, I should consult the Dalek database.