“I have none of the usual inducements that most women have to enter into the conjugal or connubial state. Was I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing! However, I have never been in love. It is neither my way nor my nature. Without love, I shall be a fool to change such a situation as mine. I believe few married women are half as much mistress of their lives, as I am of mine.” It was at that moment when I was toying with these alluring thoughts that he shows up in my life. He did not quite dispossess me of these thoughts, he, however, offered strong feelings of desire, a general want and longing in lieu of love.
Well informed, knowledgeable, in possession of an extensive vocabulary, strikingly impressive, elegantly proportioned, a face that is hard to miss, cultured and refined. He spoke with exquisite calmness, a pleasing young man undoubtedly. The overwhelmingly mind-blowing philosophical conversations make me hot for him. I look at him talking and my gaze is focused on his lips. They move with the quality of splendour and royalty. I wonder if I can separate those lips from him and keep them to myself and listen to them tell me about Socrates, Sartre, Plato, Aurelius….and the rest. How beautiful that would be. He is a magnificent collection of atoms. How can one so smart be equally beautiful? He does not falter. He oozes eloquence and radiates danger, the kind that borders on mischief. The kind of danger I run towards and not away from. I would let him have me whole.