Before you go crazy, well, you can go crazy. I can’t stop you anyway. This is about my niece, who is the same age as I am. I am only one month older than she is. My mum and my cousin happened to be pregnant at the same time.
These shenanigans that began while I was 5 must be the longest relationship that I have ever had. We fucked in my parents’ house. In her parents’ house. In my uncle’s/her grandfather’s house during the Christmas holiday. In my grandmother’s/her great-grandmother’s house during the Christmas holiday. I was around 13 and we had discovered tribbing. The way I went at it until I had an orgasm makes me wonder why I never considered myself a lesbian until now. One time she visited me at the university. We drank an entire bottle of gin. When we fell asleep, she tried to kiss me. That was the first time that I felt disgusted about it and pretended that I was too drunk to do anything. I also couldn’t stand the taste of onion in my mouth. I now realize that it was unfair for me to compare the taste of her mouth with the other mouths that I had kissed.
We would do all these intimate things, but we have never talked about it. Imagine fight club rules but replace Fight Club with “Aunt and Niece Fuckery.”
One time I visited her at her house. She had a job while I was back at school. I wanted to be at her place for 7 days but I left after 5 days. One morning, I went to the salon that was close to her house to get my hair braided. On the way back home, I met a man who declared that I had universal beauty and we exchanged numbers like most adults do. He called me out for a few drinks in the afternoon. He sent me directions to the restaurant/pub. It was about 4 pm. I planned to head back home at around 7 pm. But the company was a little too good (don’t trust me on this because I was drunk and had on goggles with a patriarchal lens). When it got to around 7 pm, I sent a text saying I was out and I would be a little late. I don’t remember whether I received a reply.
After my drunk self felt as though I had had enough fun, I decided to head home. It was around 9 pm. Also, that man had started telling me how he had applied for a loan. He planned to send me some of it once it got approved. Sir? I don’t think that is what you do with a loan. Not when you have a wife and a child/children (I can’t remember if it was one or more than one).
I arrived home safe. When I got home, I knocked on the door. My niece’s stepsister came to the door, peeped through the curtain, saw me, closed the curtain, and called my niece. My niece came and opened the door. I got in and said hi but did not get a response. In my head, “I am tipsy but this atmosphere is fishy.” She says there’s food in the kitchen. But the fishy atmosphere tells me to go to my room and be quiet. I should walk on eggshells so no one notices I’m in the house. I felt relief that I had my room. I packed all my things and planned to leave the next day. At some point, she came and knocked on my door and said, “Don’t try that shit in my house.” I spent the night wondering, “What shit is she talking about? Should I have not left the house? I texted her to let her know that I was late, so what’s the problem? Should I have asked for permission like a good little child before leaving the house? Is she jealous because I have fucked her the entire time that I was here? Should I fuck her? If I fuck her, will her anger disappear? Gosh! I don’t think I can stand the onion mouth. Is the onion mouth girl angry? She should worry about her onion mouth, not infantilizing an adult. Why is she talking to me like I am her child? Perhaps her boyfriends have been leaving her because of the onion mouth. It’s no wonder. She’s dating people’s husbands, who are as old as her father. She thinks she’s too mature for men her age. Why did I bother being there for her when she thought she was pregnant? I was willing to help her get a safe abortion. I had already had two successful abortions. Fuck it! I will delete her number after blocking her and never talk to her again.” The next morning, I woke up early, took a shower, and left for the bus stop to go to school while she left for work. Why the hell did she follow me to the bus stop? I had deleted her number and blocked her the previous night. She helped me get a ticket and walked me to the van. Before I got in, she lectured me about how much she cares and that’s why she behaved that way. “You fucking bitch. You fucked up the moment you used a juvenile tone. You can’t treat me like a child and expect me to take you seriously. Also, stop wasting your time because you and I will never cross paths again. “I have deleted you from my brain.””
We crossed paths two more times against my will. I was at the hospital when my 70s uncle had a heart attack after using drugs at a party to keep up with some young people. I felt good after she asked what I was up to. Upon hearing of my work for a top international organization, she wanted to know how I got in and how I could help her do the same. I told her that I applied and got hired, which is the truth, but she thought I was trying to avoid helping her. Fast-forward to 2 years later, I am at a theatre and someone taps my back. I turn to see her and my mouth goes like, “What the hell!” She responds, “Yeah, that is the exact expression that you should be having.” It is a good thing that I was tipsy and happy that day; otherwise, I would not have given her the time of day. Where did this bitch get the audacity to tell question me about why I had stopped talking to my mother???? She then asked me to call her and invite her to my place so that she would not snitch on me. I agreed to all that, knowing so well that I would do none of that. She also told me to call my mum because she is going crazy. That’s when I realized how little I cared for my family. My decision to go no contact was more serious than I thought. I even know that my family members will die one day, and I also know that I will not be attending any of their funerals. For my funeral, I would like my friends to go on holiday to somewhere fancy to discard my ashes after I am cremated.