Edit: I promise I was just having a bad day. I am not always like this.
They asked me, “How are you doing?” With a grin, I replied, “I’m excited! Finally, the moment has arrived for my long-awaited ADHD test.”
Their response was, “Do you want medication, though? It might dim your light.”
Shouting in my mind – “FUCK YOU BITCH OR NON-BINARY HOE! (Not sure how you identify.) FUCK YOUR MAMA. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ADHD FOR YOU TO SAY THAT! What on earth are you on about? I’m utterly baffled. You’ve had a front row seat to my struggles. Or do you simply tune me out? I’m lost in this conversation! It seems you view my constant battles as mere quirks. I’m completely burnt out from hiding my true self and I can’t afford to lose my job; it’s my lifeline. It must be lovely to have a functioning brain!”
Let me quickly channel Kendrick.
I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk, I hate the way that you dress
I hate the way that you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it’s gon’ be direct
We hate the bitches you fuck, ’cause they confuse themself with real women
And notice, I said “we, ” it’s not just me, I’m what the culture feelin’
When I openly discuss my neurodivergent identity, I frequently encounter a defensive or even hostile response, particularly from individuals who have directly benefited from my madness. These same people, who have enjoyed my creative energy and innovative problem-solving, often exhibit a striking lack of empathy when I need to temporarily withdraw from social interactions. It’s as if they expect me to maintain a constant level of availability and responsiveness, without acknowledging the exhausting toll that socializing can take on someone with a neurodevelopmental disorder.
Then, when I do need to take a step back and prioritize my own well-being, these same individuals are often quick to judge me as a “terrible friend” or accuse me of being flaky or unreliable. My occasional disappearances are not a reflection of my commitment to our friendship, but rather a necessary coping mechanism to avoid emotional burnout. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard comments like, “You just disappeared without telling anyone. I was worried about you!” – as if I somehow owe them a detailed explanation for taking care of my own mental health. And the explanation should be acceptable to them because recharging is not good enough.
Were you genuinely concerned about my well-being, or did you have an ulterior motive for reaching out to me while I was unavailable? Did you want to use my brain without having to deal with the complexities and challenges that come with them? It’s as if you want the benefits of me, while dismissing the drawbacks or difficulties that I face. GO TO HELL!