I harbour a deep-seated hatred towards salespeople. These perpetually smiley and overly confident individuals seem to relish making a hard sell. They occupy a special place in the fiery underworld, nestled snugly alongside a select few lawyers who have honed their craft in the dark arts of deception and manipulation.

A Fiery Corner of Hell

In this fiery corner of hell, the damned souls include:

• Used car salesmen
• Door-to-door pedlars
• Telemarketers

I hope the devil’s minions torture them to death and then resurrect them just to torture them again.

My Wishes for Salespeople

I wish:

• The men have permanent blue balls and however much they have sex, they will never orgasm.
• The women have painful tender nipples for the rest of their lives.

The Pressure to Buy

Why do you continue to pressure me into buying things I have no use for? I have repeatedly made it crystal clear that I’m not interested. Why the heck are you still trying to sway my decision? I wish I could shut them up the way Agent Smith shut Neo’s mouth during the interrogation.

Understanding Preferences

Why do you assume you understand my preferences and values just because you’ve gathered some basic information about me? Those insincere flatteries you offer are not only unwarranted, but they also don’t fool me for a second.

My Determination

When I have my heart set on buying something, I won’t let anyone stand in my way. I will get it, no matter what you say or do to persuade me. However, if I have a specific item in mind and you start using high-pressure sales tactics that get under my skin, I will take my business – and my money – elsewhere. I will deliberately choose your competitor out of spite.