Prompesity to murder and other thoughts

My propensity to murder is a lot higher than usual today. I want to do to a few people what Thanos did to Loki in the first few minutes of Avengers: Infinity War. Why the fuck was the admin person asking me to do something that I had already done? I sent her the link with the information she needed exactly how she needed it. She did not open the link I sent her and assumed that I had half-arsed my task. Fuck her!!!

I also had therapy today. I talked to my therapist about my feelings towards my friend after I saw the text she sent to her boyfriend. She asked him to hurry up and come save her from my yapping. She was the only person in my life that I could still yap to. Now that I understand how she feels about my yapping, I won’t yap with anyone else any more. I’ll only share my thoughts with my therapist and my readers.

My workshop in Europe was the first time I felt mentally engaged in a long while. I was in a room with people that have doctorates in their fields and I have an undergraduate. For the first time in ages, I was with people smarter than me. This time, I didn’t feel the need to teach. Instead, I was the one learning. Oh, how I miss that feeling.

It’s 9 pm and I just got into bed. I haven’t recovered completely from my trip, so I want to sleep for a minimum of 8 hours. I need to go to the office tomorrow and act professionally. I might return here tomorrow. This is now my only way to clear my mind of troubling thoughts.

I changed my blog’s name yesterday. My sister, whom I cut off along with the rest of my family, might have found it. They were all really terrible. She keeps sending me emails about how she loves me and misses me. I read them, and however much I try to care, I find myself not giving a fuck. The thought of having her and my mum back in my life always gives me an anxiety attack. So, for the moment, I have declared them persona non grata from my wonderful life.

Cheers and see you tomorrow (maybe).